Saturday's the day when the Earth is officially tapped out of resources for this year.

So, nothing but spaghetti and margarine for mankind until Jan. 1.

Wait – have the animals used up their quota? Not yet? Awesome! So, if I'm reading this right, we can just eat them and absorb their power, right? I am right!

So which animal has the biggest quota left? Grubs? Grubs and great white sharks? Oh, geez.

• I'm not totally sure who Tila Tequila is, but she gives off venality and avarice like an animal scent.

I will give her marks for stick-to-it-ed-ness. She went on stage at some sort of hooligan love-in in Illinois and was stoned for her trouble. Which was clearly her goal.

Tila Tequila's Datebook