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MATTI VIIKATE

Articles Posted: 312  Links Seeded: 1794
Member Since: 4/2010  Last Seen: 8/05/2011

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Lying in relationship

Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:46 AM EDT
health, home, dating, family, marriage, man, woman, psychology, relationship, brain, human, philosophy, mind, cheating, trust, lying, wisdom, argument, believe, matti-viikate, mattiviikate, matti, viikate, sciense, lying-in-relationship
By Matti Viikate

1

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Lying in a relationship is bad thing for example because, if you lie to people with things that you do or where you going or what you do in general. Then you're creating an situation where you in reality are different human, than what you have said to people close to you.

Because of that you don't care so much about that person you have said you are, and that is because you know that you are not really that person. But the problem is, that people close to you may not know that. And because of that they can sense that you don't care about that person you have pretend to be so much, and that makes them wonder why.

It also leads in to the situation where you don't basically benefit or care or sense, much about how people close to you feel about you, that is due the fact that you're not really who you said you are.

Even thou the person is totally same in many cases, that small difference that comes from lying what you do, or where you're going, creates that small difference anyway.

Then when you are different human , you don't feel, care or sense enough things about other people like you should, and things can go bad.

One worst case scenario is that you're companion starts to feel for some reason, that real you, is some different person. And by doing so creates some harm to that person. Then you're pretty easily in a situation where you have unintended troubles, created by you're companion, not knowing it was you who will got those troubles.

Something like that can very easily happen, and it is not nice.

Things like this are mostly important to keep in mind, if you are for what ever reason, in a kind of situation, where it is kind of required to lie about something.

So i don't mean like just cheating here, which is totally different thing, i mean any lying in general.

This is also one of those reasons, why people should always tell the truth, even thou it of course can be, that sometimes it would seem a nice thing to do, to lie.

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Matti Viikate

I could have made this article even better, but i hope it is now made well enough.

  • 1 vote
Reply#1 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:49 AM EDT
Tanja-S

Sorry to comment, Mr. Viikate. You had an interesting ponderation in your article, although with some experience of life, I doubted a little bit he xxpression "that person you have said you are". Who we say we are? Of course, one should always be honest in the first place to oneself, as that gives reflections to persons around you.

However, as literature and life itself also says that we are not that simple. We are more multifaceted, we, human beings, even if we would wish to have just one stable road. If I exaggerate a bit, would be dangerous to human personality to pretend that we are "this" and we do not change. We change much in the course of life and its experience.

But, as you mentioned, and I understand, you didn't deal the "cheating" in this article, my ponderation here was referring partly to the cheating also, and as you say, that would be another story. I am grateful about your thoughts in your article, behavioral psychology is quite familiar to me, so I have been thinking about these things quite much.

    Reply#2 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:02 PM EDT
    Matti Viikate

    Basically seeing comments after article or seed, is usually a good thing. I also think, that it is good thing now.

    People are multifaceted, that is true, and it is also basically right thing to be. But in some relationships where you can really trust each other, telling truth can be very important. That is especially, if the relationships has spread in different areas of life.

    By that spreading i mean that besides normal personal relationship, there is also for example work or business relationship.

    In case where relationship is on several level, any lying can be very bad. That is because lying in relationship like that, can cause unwanted problems in many different level of life, or just one, but it still is bad.

    But of course it depends on what kind of people are we talking about, and also little bit about that, what they do in they're lives in general.

    But of course little lying in life in general, is absolutely normal in certain things. So just one stable road, should be considered as collection of all those little and bigger things that we do in life. Then it is really an option to have it.

    But i still mention, that with trustworthy partner, telling the truth can be really wonderful thing. I also know that it really works.

    one should always be honest in the first place to oneself, as that gives reflections to persons around you.

    That is exactly true, if you lie to you're self, it gives opportunity to other people to use it against you. And it can also weaken you in some cases.

    Also how we feel about our selves, and what we think about our selves. Reflects to other people, and how they treat us.

    That is one of those reasons why for some people life goes either fast up, or fast down, as they're opinion from them selves is changing with they're live situation's.

    Some of these things are different matter like that cheating also, it is better to write different article on different matters, that way it wont be too long for readers, and stays pretty much in one subject.

    • 1 vote
    #2.1 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 2:37 PM EDT
    Reply
    Tanja-S

    Yes, some people's self-understanding is strongly influenzed by the changes in the life-situations, other persons' opinions, so their life might go fast up or fast down, depending on the current life-situations. Virtually this kind of situation would never give a peace to these persons lives. However, especially these kind of persons, those who follow very much the up and downs in the life, are often quite keenly attached to the impulsive level. And lieing, can be fatal to these.

    However, we all have impulsive level behavior. I am quite a calm personality (your other article was also interesting), but I do have a strong impulsive layer. Those two levels in life, rational and impulsive always compete, and we never make it clear which guides ourselves the most. According to some psychologists sometimes an impulsive behavior in life can be more suggested than rational, of course, depending on the situation. E.g. of course, when a relationship is in many different levels, including professional and business, however, the best way to behave is not to lie. And as you said, cheating is another story and would need a proper chapter.

    Some are able to control that level more, some less, so of course such a theme (lieing), as so many themes in human's life are like "two-edged" swords.

      Reply#3 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:10 PM EDT
      Matti Viikate

      E.g. of course, when a relationship is in many different levels, including professional and business, however, the best way to behave is not to lie.

      That is exactly true,like i also wrote. But little lying is normal with strangers in little things, and of course people lie to they're social connections also, about little things every now and then.

      But in important multiple level relationship, lying can be very bad.

      sometimes an impulsive behavior in life can be more suggested than rational

      That is basically true, but it also is possible to act like you wore acting impulsive, while in reality, you just use calm sense, and make the most of the situation. That is one way of benefiting from staying calm, if person with that capability choose to use it as his or hers own benefit.

      So my point in that is that you can still get the benefits of impulsive behavior, while staying calm.

      But that is, of course, more theory, than other things in this article.

      • 1 vote
      #3.1 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:44 PM EDT
      Reply
      Tanja-S

      Like you were acting impulsive, you just use calm sense, and make the most of the situation

      Yes, calmness gives benefit. "Calm but impulsive by nature" is a rare occurence, a big pleasure, especially with one who shares the same identical characteristic. That is a rare combination.

      Your other article about calmness was very nice.

        Reply#4 - Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:18 PM EDT
        Matti Viikate

        Yes, thank you.

        • 1 vote
        #4.1 - Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:08 AM EDT
        Reply
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